waddaya want me to do 'bout it?

So many times I have asked this question. It may not be politically correct, it might not even be good enough to qualify as politically INcorrect but I do, I ask this question so many times. Just like a kid walking through the grocery store and walking by the candy aisle…all you hear is “Can I get some? Can I get some? Can I get some? I’ll let you have some of mine. Can I get some? Huh? Huh?” 

I employ this question to get out of things and crucial conjunctions such as making decisions for other people about what flavor to start with first while eating a Bomb Pop, or when asked why I don’t do dope and how I’ve ruined their lives cause I didn’t use or abuse or have any on me to donate to their cause I just belt out, “Weeelll waddaya want me to do ‘bout it?”

            Lately the tables have turned. Not with my doper friend or with the indecisive Popsicle eater but with one who is much bigger than me, much stronger than me (cause we all know I hate to work out in the first place), and one that is more powerful than me (BAHAHA—that’s a given). I have been finding myself getting myself into spots—spots I could have easily avoided getting into mind you—and then taking my problem to God and in a whiney nasally voice complaining, “fix it,” and God answers “Weeelll waddaya want me to do ‘bout it?”

            To be quite honest, I wonder if He ever feels like the maid: “I just cleaned up this mess. Can you not just keep it clean for 10 MINUTES?” (a reference to The Incredibles and still valid). I do things like get on my Mac first thing when I get up before I talk to God, maybe even think about Him, or I let something like fear take over and control me and how my systems operate rather than let Him be in control. All these things are completely avoidable yet I still, continuously—like a lemming following itself—keep putting myself into this position of being screwed (I’m not a very politically correct person) and I want God to fix everything and I just want to sit back and watch.

            There is a problem with that mindset. You’re not the brightest crayon in the box if you think that God is just gonna fix something and not expect you to contribute anything (like putting forth an effort to change your behavior). Yes He loves you but if you are a parent or want to be a parent, would you let your child take a ball bat to the urn holding Grandma Edna’s ashes or to break a window in the neighbor’s house and not expect them to work for some compensation—even if it was an accident? No, you would want to instill in your child a sense of responsibility (otherwise they turn out to be 3^rd in line for president and asking for 200 billion dollars of taxpayer money in condoms to educate children). Please ignore that which was in the parentheses because I was just venting. Back to the subject though, there is a responsibility that we need to take as Christians. We definitely don’t have a free ride. We are to be examples to the world. What kind of example is a whiney 20 year-old telling someone else to clean up after them. It’s called not being apathetic. Something that the Christians today are not doing a very good job with—myself being the ringleader!

            I have found myself to just sit back and expect God to do things, which he does no doubt about it! Bahaha HE DOESN’T NEED JOEY CALDWELL TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING THAT HE WANTS TO DO! But how we are called to “GO” and make disciples, and “BE” examples and if God’s gonna be doing all these amazing things through people, HOW MUCH MORE INCREDIBLE WOULD IT BE FOR GOD TO USE YOU AND ME TO ACCOMPLISH HIS WILL!!!! Now again God doesn’t need our permission to do anything but is your heart willing? As someone that leads worship occasionally I would rather have someone who’s heart is in it and has that passion and heart of worship, then someone with the talent but no display that He is Lord in their life. God’s really been working on my heart and continually pointing out my apathy and I am striving that God would take away my apathy and that I would be willing and comfortable to be uncomfortable.

            Are you comfortable with being uncomfortable? I am praying that God would break my heart and my apathy and that I would be wholly obedient and on fire and willing to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. How ‘bout you?

JON FOREMAN ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!!!

*in my arms

*baptize my mind

*your love is strong

*behind your eyes

*lord, save me from myself

*the cure for pain

AND MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did you mess yourself?

Boy! I can't even begin to tell yall all the stories and life lesson's I learned this weekend so if you really wanna know ask. But i do have something to fill yall in on.

So the past couple weeks I have really been stressin' out. I mean REALLY stressin'. It all began two Saturdays ago when I totally put my focus and attention on something other than God and it just started to snowball. The minute I took my eyes off God, the little red man (and no i'm not talking about santa clause) started to plant little fear seeds in me. They were really REALLY small at first and I didn't think much about them but they quickly started controling my life. I mean these things got WAAYYYYY OUT OF HAND. They started to take control and weigh me down..literally and figuratively. It eventually reached a point where I was really wondering if I was saved or not. And on Wednesday last week I hit a BRICK WALL. On Wednesday the chapel speaker "coincidently" (which is another way of sayin' it was all God's plan) spoke on assurance of salvation and the LOVE of God. He specifically talked to the people that were strugglin' with their salvation. I felt like I was the only on in the room that was dealing with this but God was definately workin' on my heart.

After the chapel service I husseled myself back to my room. It was 30 degrees and my room was a half mile down the hill from the chapel and needless to say i didn't stop for anyone or anything. I got in my room and I immediately hit the floor. Seriously. I honestly felt like ther was a ton of bricks on my back. And I just cried out to God. I didn't know what the deal was at the time but whatever it was I wanted God to fix it. And God just flashed the word "fear" in front of my eyes. And I knew what I had to do. I just started making a list of all the fears I let take over my life especially in the past week and a half. These were some of the ones listed:

*fear of rejection/failure/disappointment

- from my friends, family,  and God

*fear that God might not be there for me

*fear that I might not even be saved.

I became so fearful of rejection that I didn't call my family for almost 2 and a half weeks, I totally tried to avoid all contact with my friends here at school and away I was seriously letting it CONTROL my life. As I kept listing out all these fears I was dealing with I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. Well needless to say I had a "come to Jesus" till my next class and I got some things straitened out. The next night was BSU and it was the last message for a series called, Fear to Faith (how appropriate right?). During the music, in between songs, a girl got up to give her testimony. I had only met her once there before and there was no way she'd remember me. Well her testimony was about how fear took over her life and how God brought her through it. And then she said, "I don't know who was supposed to hear this tonight, but if it's you, God will bring you out of all this but you have to take the first step and cry for help, and He will build the bridge to come across and get you." God knew I needed encouragement and that was the perfect thing! 

It blows my mind that God knew all this was going to happen to me. Not only did He know it was going to happen to me, He PLANNED for it to happen to me. As soon as I took my eyes of Jesus, just like Peter walking on water, I began to sink and I was sinkin' to the bottom fast! And God let it get to the point where He was the only one that could pull me out. And when that point came He didn't fail. He was faithful and pulled my out of the waves and breakers that were pummeling me. And then after that, He gave me a huge dose of encouragement at BSU the next day after things were straitened out and refocused. He thinks of everything! He know's intimately each and every person and what it takes to get that individual back on track. And He does it all to help us to grow closer and more intimate and to strengthen our Love for Him. There's no way I would have been able to get out of the mess I was in cause I was in it with myself! I. messed. my. self. I continually thank God for his forgiveness and mercy. Just like the girl that gave her testimony at BSU, I have no clue who needed/needs to read this but if it's you, I'm here to tell ya that "He who promised is faithful" and He will pull you out/build that bridge for you to cross over, but you have to be willing to admit that you messed yourself and cry out to Him.

I love yall and I have tons more to fill you guys in on!

p.s. i might try to work on my fear of clowns cause the circus is in town...hmmmm i'm thinking about it. i just need someone to go with so i don't SERIOUSLY mess myself.

Hebrews 10:23

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."