So the past couple weeks I have really been stressin' out. I mean REALLY stressin'. It all began two Saturdays ago when I totally put my focus and attention on something other than God and it just started to snowball. The minute I took my eyes off God, the little red man (and no i'm not talking about santa clause) started to plant little fear seeds in me. They were really REALLY small at first and I didn't think much about them but they quickly started controling my life. I mean these things got WAAYYYYY OUT OF HAND. They started to take control and weigh me down..literally and figuratively. It eventually reached a point where I was really wondering if I was saved or not. And on Wednesday last week I hit a BRICK WALL. On Wednesday the chapel speaker "coincidently" (which is another way of sayin' it was all God's plan) spoke on assurance of salvation and the LOVE of God. He specifically talked to the people that were strugglin' with their salvation. I felt like I was the only on in the room that was dealing with this but God was definately workin' on my heart.
After the chapel service I husseled myself back to my room. It was 30 degrees and my room was a half mile down the hill from the chapel and needless to say i didn't stop for anyone or anything. I got in my room and I immediately hit the floor. Seriously. I honestly felt like ther was a ton of bricks on my back. And I just cried out to God. I didn't know what the deal was at the time but whatever it was I wanted God to fix it. And God just flashed the word "fear" in front of my eyes. And I knew what I had to do. I just started making a list of all the fears I let take over my life especially in the past week and a half. These were some of the ones listed:
*fear of rejection/failure/disappointment
- from my friends, family, and God
*fear that God might not be there for me
*fear that I might not even be saved.
I became so fearful of rejection that I didn't call my family for almost 2 and a half weeks, I totally tried to avoid all contact with my friends here at school and away I was seriously letting it CONTROL my life. As I kept listing out all these fears I was dealing with I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. Well needless to say I had a "come to Jesus" till my next class and I got some things straitened out. The next night was BSU and it was the last message for a series called, Fear to Faith (how appropriate right?). During the music, in between songs, a girl got up to give her testimony. I had only met her once there before and there was no way she'd remember me. Well her testimony was about how fear took over her life and how God brought her through it. And then she said, "I don't know who was supposed to hear this tonight, but if it's you, God will bring you out of all this but you have to take the first step and cry for help, and He will build the bridge to come across and get you." God knew I needed encouragement and that was the perfect thing!
It blows my mind that God knew all this was going to happen to me. Not only did He know it was going to happen to me, He PLANNED for it to happen to me. As soon as I took my eyes of Jesus, just like Peter walking on water, I began to sink and I was sinkin' to the bottom fast! And God let it get to the point where He was the only one that could pull me out. And when that point came He didn't fail. He was faithful and pulled my out of the waves and breakers that were pummeling me. And then after that, He gave me a huge dose of encouragement at BSU the next day after things were straitened out and refocused. He thinks of everything! He know's intimately each and every person and what it takes to get that individual back on track. And He does it all to help us to grow closer and more intimate and to strengthen our Love for Him. There's no way I would have been able to get out of the mess I was in cause I was in it with myself! I. messed. my. self. I continually thank God for his forgiveness and mercy. Just like the girl that gave her testimony at BSU, I have no clue who needed/needs to read this but if it's you, I'm here to tell ya that "He who promised is faithful" and He will pull you out/build that bridge for you to cross over, but you have to be willing to admit that you messed yourself and cry out to Him.
I love yall and I have tons more to fill you guys in on!
p.s. i might try to work on my fear of clowns cause the circus is in town...hmmmm i'm thinking about it. i just need someone to go with so i don't SERIOUSLY mess myself.
Hebrews 10:23
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
This is beautiful. I love love love seeing God work like that. I feel so small when I think of how incredibly merciful He is to gently hand us exactly what we need when we have turned our back on Him.
ReplyDelete